Well D is down to four beers a day now. At least, for now, the yelling has stopped and I am not a big bundle of nerves on D's days off. I went to counseling last week and my counselor told me that I was in an severe domestic violence situation and I should go to a shelter. I told D about what she said and that I was going to have to leave if he doesn't change. So he is trying to "cut down" on drinking. It is sad to say that I don't have faith that he will conquer his addiction. I have already accepted that fact that after I graduate I am most likely going to have to get my own place and start working again. Five years.......I have tried to save him.....to help him be the good man I see inside but now I am just tired. Tired of trying. Tired of the lies and disappointment. I just can't do it anymore. If he gets better then great but I am not holding my breath. Not this time. It is so painful to watch someone that you love dearly, consistently, choose alcohol over you. To have your husband love something that isn't even alive more than you is enough to tear you all apart.
All I have ever wanted is for someone to love me best. Someone to really see me and love me anyway. I am more lonely now that I ever was when I was single. At least when you are single you expect to be alone and to have to do things for yourself. =(
No comments:
Post a Comment